Always a Lonelily..

I figured out today that I say “this is the song of my life” in almost every blog post, but sometimes it’s true. Sometimes you feel like a singer or a lyricist just really gets you, and that they must have been stalking you to be able to model a song so perfectly after your own life..This is the relationship that Damien Rice and I have. I get to sob along to his music, while he watches me from some random bush outside of my window to get inspiration. Now, if I could only convince him to marry me.

The song that always seems to be “the song of my life” is “Lonelily,” by Damien Rice (obviously). The song isn’t happy.. It’s hard to explain and only someone who has truly stalked my past relationships (coughDamiencough) could possibly understand how complicated the context behind the song is.
The truth is, I’m a lonelily. I’ve been on both sides of the narrative story, but when it comes down to is I’m always the one that lets people “push under my bones.” Technically, this is just a nice way of calling me unfaithful. It’s not something I’m proud of, and for the most part it’s something I usually regret (some people deserve it), but there is no other way of describing this song any further without airing some of my dirty laundry.

Cheating stems from two things; either you are a complete ass (and you’ve been raised in a household that encourages infidelity), or you are insecure.. I’m the latter (or I was the latter). Recently I’ve taken a good look at some of the relationships that I’ve screwed up.. And I’ve realized that no affection in the world is worth the pain you cause your partner or yourself in the end. I have a guy that I care about more than the moon, harry potter, and all the Damien Rice songs in the world combined, but he can barely look at me the same way for one stupid night. I have poured out my heart and my soul with apologies, and I have let him walk all over me in hopes that he might give me the chance for forgiveness if he could break me the same way.., but I guess for now I’ll keep suffering the consequences. The truth is, he doesn’t need me in his life anymore. If you cross that boundary of trust with someone that cares about you, then you have to fully realize that they see a monster in place of the ball of insecurities that you really are/ were.

I’ve learned my lesson and I’d like to say that I’m pass this point in my life. I’m still going to be lonelily looking for someone to hold, but you had better believe that once I find that person I plan on never straying again.

"I gave me away
I could have knocked off the evening
But I was lonelily looking for someone to hold
In a way I lost all I believed in
And I never found myself so alone
And you let me down
You could've called if you'd needed
But you lonelily got yourself locked in instead
And you let me down
It's one thing being cheated
But you took him all the way through your bed"

What are you Doing New Years?

The holidays always seem to be really bad or really good depending on the stage you’re at in life; there just isn’t really an in-between. Either everything is going exactly as planned, or you let the few traditions and people who aren’t there ruin the entire season, because you’re thinking of what the holiday is supposed to feel like.

This year I’m already planning for the worst come New Years. In the past my family has spent every single New Years in our mountain house with a whole lot of family friends (25 of us just stowed away drinking champagne, watching the skiers come down the slopes at midnights, and sometimes setting off fireworks in the snow). Don’t get me wrong, it has been wonderful. My family is probably one the coolest families you could ever encounter (from my amazing older sister who should have had Uma Thurman’s role in Kill Bill, to my dad who embodies Atticus in every single way), but this year it may be kind of lonely. My best friend (who I usually take with me every year) and I have had a falling out that seems pretty unfixable, and my brothers (who I’ve finally learned to appreciate) may be leaving early, because their girlfriends don’t necessarily appreciate the tradition this mountain time brings..(or they just want to make fun, exciting traditions of their own..blah, blah, blah). Either way.. the trip promises to be bitter-sweet, like most of my changing traditions.

This song doesn’t need much explanation, but I sure wish that a certain guy in my life would get over himself enough to spend his holiday with me, so we can both be a little less lonely.

Free Fallin/Va Penseiro

So I’ve finally found a youtube video of a cover I’ve been trying to find for the past year, and I’d love to share it with you. This Russian singer/actress Elena Satine sang this incredibly amazing cover of Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin,” in a cold case episode (crime shows are also another guilty indulgence of mine) last year, and I thought it was awesome how she combines this classic with Verdi’s “Va Pensiero,” from Nabucco. I’ll give you a little background for the episode, because it truly reflects on some of the issues I’m dealing with In a little more dramatic kind of way (I hopefully won’t end up dead in a subway..)

Elena plays a Russian immigrant whose father brought her to the US to sing classical music, while she’s attending NYU she falls fort the smooth pop style and starts taking lessons behind her father’s back. The scene in the youtube video is when her father discovers her singing on a street corner, and she shows him how versatile music can be by mixing Tom Petty with Italian Opera.

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of struggling with my craft, because I’m technically being trained to sing classical music, while my heart still completely lies in jazz.. & instead of having a crazy Russian father telling me I can’t sing the music I want to.. I just have little to no career opportunities with it. The result of sticking a jazz singer in an opera is definitely an identity crisis. This song was awesome, because I’ve spent the entire year studying Verdi in my freshman seminar (Va Penseiro is also a song about freedom, and it was so popular that the audiences would sing it during the performances), and I love Tom Petty, because I’ve recently done some free falling myself.

Gimme Sympathy

I’ve learned many lessons about life this year and the one concept that eventually sinks in is that it goes on.. It’s easy to look back and regret what we’ve done, or who we’ve been at certain points in our life, but what we make of the current moment is what propels us forward.

The catchy song that’s probably on everyone’s ipod right now is Metric’s “Gimme Sympathy.” I think this song is the perfect song to sum up the idea that life moves on, no matter how stuck we feel. You’re bound to “make mistakes when you’re young,” because those mistakes shape the mold that you eventually become. The first stanza is what being young is all about: getting too close to the flame, speaking your mind, and not having time to take pictures of all the memories you create, but eventually you’ll grow up and you can decide who you want to be, the Beatles or the Rolling Stones (or Britney Spears, but let’s not stray down that path, ok?).

Anyways… enough preaching. This song is amazing, and eventually your life will work itself out that way too (this excludes those of you who continue to do the same amount of drinking you do in college 20 years from now, and those of you who do coke with your morning class of OJ, then you’re going to need a little more help).

Ashamed

This isn’t a real music video.. so don’t judge it.

So tonight I’m going to do a two part blog. A blog on the past, and a blog on the future. This particular blog is about the past, and it is on my favorite Deer Park song “Ashamed.”

This song is brutal, rough, and nostalgic combined with a sort of calm complacency. His voice takes getting used to if you don’t like alternative music, but I’ve grown to love it over the years. He’s joked around that the song can be related to any shitty situation, but you can tell that he’s written for someone who has obviously taken a part of his soul, and although the title is pretty easy to figure out, the lyrics are complicated, thought driven, and far from Backstreet Boys (although I’ll give them cred in an upcoming blog.. we don’t discriminate here).

The addictive chorus (listen to this song once and I kid-you-not you will be singing it when you wake up in the morning) is the driving though) states the whole purpose of what the song is about, “what a crying shame, what we became.” It reaches out to all those relationships that melt into something different, and for me it’s always been something I’ve grown to expect. I’ve said it a hundred times in this blog, but it’s a natural instinct for me to push people away when they’ve gotten too close.. and honestly it’s hard to truly believe in the concept of “love” sometimes, because how many people actually feel the same way about their spouse in three years, let alone 72? It’s easy to look back and agonize about “what happened,” but sometimes it’s easier to just admit what a damn shame it was and move on.

Oxford Comma

As exams draw closed to an end it’s important to realize that they are not necessarily the end of the world. Too many times do we stress over the little things. We make up excuses for being sick, we lie to ourselves about how much time we really need to study, and we turn into little monsters, who are self absorbed into our own little “study worlds” that could come crashing down at any moment. What we don’t realize is that (excuse my French, but this is deemed necessary) in ten years, who is going to give a fuck about whether we made an A or a B in chem. lab? No one.

The song I encourage you all to sing is Vampire Weekend’s “Oxford Comma.” The song originated one day, when the lead singer, Ezra Koenig, passed by a group of kids petitioning for the oxford comma.. Six months later he thought about how stupid the argument was and a song was born to support a “who gives a fuck attitude” for anything.

I find this song to be helpful for any concept. It gives you something to dance to, and any artist who can make a serious reference to Little John’s “Get Low” deserves some cred. So take a chill pill, breathe, put down the red bull, and remind yourself that in a few years these hissy fits are going to seem superfluous.

Insomnia

So I don’t know how many people actually know this about me, but I’m an insomniac. I know what you’re thinking, “every college kid is an insomniac,” but seriously… I’m legit and I have meds which puts me a step ahead of everyone else.  “Insomnia,” by the Electric President, is probably one of the best songs to capture the feeling behind sleeplessness.

It’s amazing how truly slow time goes by when you’re up at night and unable to sleep, or actually get anything worthwhile accomplished. Time just moves “so damn slow,” till you start fading into this numbness. Nowadays, I pray that my doctor will never stop prescribing me ambient. It’s been almost 7 months since I’ve been on it, and I can’t imagine trying to last more than a day or so without it. My body, in particular my head, just does not want to shut off. I’m sure your shaking your head in disapproval, because most people think pills are harmful and “unnatural,” but who can really decide what’s natural, or real in this society where we all pop pills for happiness, sleep, anxiety, and a few more hours of studying? You may disapprove of it, you may have friends that do it, or you may participate in this newfound way people deal with things…, but either way you can’t change it. As long as I can put myself to sleep instead of dealing with the mind numbing pain you get from not sleeping for a week, I’m certainly not going to complain.

Honestly

The song I want to bring up tonight hits home really closely. It’s “Honestly” by the Cary Brothers, and it deals with the same anxieties I seem to be going through every night. I usually don’t post the entire song lyrics, but I think it’s appropriate.. and the songs not that long, so don’t grunt.

“Think I'm goin' home
I think I'm gettin' lost for a while
Tired of getting stoned
And thinkin' about you in the night

So I'll file away all my dreams
Though I still believe in everything

I wished your love away

Honestly over you
Honestly over you
One lie short of true
Honestly over you

Lookin' for some hope
Polished off the whiskey tonight
You turned a man to stone
For lookin' at you straight in the eyes

So I'll drive away with all my things
Though I've a faint belief in everything

I wished your love away
I wished your love away”

Nostalgia is the biggest bitch in the world. Lately my life is like a board game. Two steps forward and three steps back. Pass go to collect two hundred dollars, and then pay it back in taxes.. A never-ending sequence of events. I’ll be able to wish your love away, but then I think about you when the night comes. It’s hard. Life is hard. People promise that everything works itself out in the end, but why can’t we just move on with our lives? Can’t my heart have an on and off switch? Whatever, I guess I’ll continue to file away my hopes and dreams of perfect friendships and romances, and try to be “honestly over you.”

Fletcher Hodnett (yes, that would be my brother)

border="0">

I’d just like to do a short little shout out to my big brother, Fletcher. He picked up singing a few years ago, and he’s written some really decent stuff (ok, maybe more than decent, but I really don’t want to give him a big head). He has a very likeable yet “rough around the egdes” kind of voice that seems to improve with each song he puts out. I personally like “Maybe Dear” and “Seasons,” but his Bon Iver cover is pretty awesome.

Enjoy the new musical experience. :)
Hopefully someone or something will encourage him to perform this stuff live at some point.

Charlie Bit Me

This next blog is for pure sport. Recently I have come across the “Charlie bit me” video on youtube, and I have decided that it has merited a blog post for its serious life lessons. ( I am perfectly aware that I am a noob for not finding this sooner..)

This is the original video:



& this is the remix that will be my song choice:


I know what you’re thinking… “That is the most adorable/hilarious/life altering video of my life,” and you can thank me later for this exposure. What you’re not thinking about is the serious life skills you can acquire from watching this piece of art. At times we all stick our fingers in people’s mouth, even when we know that it’s going to hurt (unfortunately for us it’s not always as cute). We stay up too late, we exchange writing blogs for playing rock band, and sometimes we even engage in activities with the wrong people, but even though we understand the consequences we still take the risk? Is it for the humor? It is absolutely hilarious to fall into a hot tub, but is worth the bruises/hangover we have in the morning? For Charlie, he has learned early on that sometimes you don’t stick your finger into someone’s mouth, because while you suffer, people laugh.. even when it’s still hurting!!

Kill

Life has the funniest ways of repeating itself. The song I’d like to write about today is the same song I felt so connected to in my sophomore year of high school, “Kill” by Jimmy Eat World, and I find it ironic that I have reverted to the same old lyrics for comfort.

The song to me represents a dying love that Is so impossible to let go of that is literally kills the person holding on. The posing thought and lyric that strikes me the most is “I need answers for what all the waiting I’ve done means.” I think that this initial thought of “why?” is the ball and chain to this relationship. It has always seemed to me that the reason I hold on to people, is because I don’t always understand the reasoning behind the demise. I’m not sure how people can just let go of what meant so much to them, so I fight. I fight for reconcile at the most, and reason at the very least. This fighter (Christina Aguilera hip thrust allowed) in me is what seems to annoy people the most. I’ve been screamed at and cursed at, because I can’t seem to let up so easily, but I can’t help it.. I refuse to let up, when someone has taken a piece of me.

“I can't help it baby, this is who I am.
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel.
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break.
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away.”

I know the healthy thing to do is to walk away. If someone needs a break from me, then they deserve it… I guess it’s just the egotistical, selfish, little girl in me that thinks that if they just stayed I could make it all better.

Two Birds

So, I have decided that to face the ongoing change in my life I must face it head on. It has been said that “If you don’t create change, change will create you,” and personally.. I’m ready to have a new control over my life.

The song I’d like to introduce is Regina Spektor’s “Two Birds.” Many would argue that Ms. Spektor’s newest cd is somewhat of a sellout compared to her previous creations, but I still think it has a lot of merit. This song in particular seems to observe a couple of birds, who are too scared to try things on their own. One bird wants to explore, while the other puts on a façade promising to adventure out with him in a little while.. I feel that in the past I’ve been there. I have always based a part of my life on this sort of root, or “other bird,” instead of letting go and flying off by myself.

Recently I have been abandoned by my bird, and instead of flying away from the situation.. I have glued myself to the wire waiting for some glimmer of hope that my bird will return… (I have too much faith in people.) Now that I have realized that there is no hope for that friendship I want to do what I should have done a few months ago, embrace change.

Blood Pt. 2

So surprisingly I’ve had a really good mellow night tonight, so I plan on side tracking from the “cry me a river/emotionally challenged” blogs I’ve been writing. I don’t know how long this mood will last, but I’m going to run with it and introduce you to one of the most amazing mixes of the year- “Blood pt. 2,” by Buck 65.

I previously mentioned the album Dark Was the Night, when I wrote about the Pornographer’s cover of “Hey Snow White,” but to refresh your memory it is an amazing compilation of songs that was created to raise money and awareness for HIV and Aids. The song I’m talking about today is a remix/continuation of Sufjan Steven’s song “You are the Blood,” which is also a Castanets cover. Buck 65 is an absolute genius for creating this sound, which improves an already banging song.

The first time you may listen to the song it comes off as kind of eerie and cult like. You become so immersed in this ever present bass line and hear a mix of lyrics that don’t quite make sense. In fact, the reason why I like this song so much is because I don’t necessarily “get it.” He throws in everything (including the kitchen sink), and leaves you with an unexplainable bitter sweet taste in your mouth. Even listening to the juxtaposed blunt and smooth lyrics again today almost makes me feel like I’m invading this guy’s Joyce like stream of conscience, yet I can still acquire my own personal experiences.

When I listen to this song I think of good times in unhealthy relationships. The song is somewhat bitter, but it also feels like it’s not lingering on the bad. He mentions memories of hot summer days of sex and lemonade with someone he obviously cares about, but sees the bad in (the woman’s legs felt like silk, yet her bites were like fire ants). His last stanza that leads into Sufjan’s lyrics really seems to sum up the good and bad:

“Making out in photo booths
A lovely Saturday night alone
Full of films and baking pies
Not cotton swabs and bloody lies
I'll pay you back in plastic eyes

You are the blood
Flowing through my fingers
All through the soil
Through those trees”

The memories he holds of her seem to be tainted by some sort of resentment for “cotton swabs and bloody lies,” yet the girl still seems to run through his vains.

I've been Loving you too Long..

So ever since I watched Cadillac Records this weekend I haven’t been able to put down my 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s music. I usually get on these weird retro kicks, because you can’t deny that music from these eras is generally better than most of the stuff you hear on the radio today, but today I’m going to do my blog on Cat Power’s cover of “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long.” This songs was originally written by Otis Redding in 1965, and has been covered by everyone from the Rolling Stones to Ike and Tina Turner (who added a little sex scene to the mix). Its lyrics are undeniably powerful, and I think that Cat Power adds a very subtle kind of sound to the song that makes her cover unique.

Cat Power is known for covering songs with a minimalist style and sultry vocals, and this song is no different. It is funny to compare it to the more extravagant versions of the song, particularly Tina Turner’s. Now I’m obviously not going to trash Tina Turner, because when I think of this song she is the only artists that usually come to mind, but Cat Power takes a different approach to this song. Turner’s voice definitely provides a sort of anguish to the lyrics (and a literal orgasm), while Cat Power displays a sort of complacent tone towards the man she loves.

I personally love this song for the place it holds in my day to day life. I think we all have people in our lives that have wronged us, but we can’t let go, because of all the times that our life has been so wonderful with this specific person. We cover the wrongdoings and the pain by making the love a habit, but too much of anything is always going to be bad. We make the same excuses over and over again that an alcoholic would make for not giving up his Evan William’s whiskey, and like an alcoholic we don’t realize the potential harm that we cause ourselves every time we allow ourselves to be used up by a cold lover or friend. It is important to realize that people and love changes, and that admitting that change to yourself is the first step to a long road of recovery.

"There were times and your love is growing cold.
My love is growing stronger as our affair grows old.
I've been loving you a little too long, long,
I don't want to stop now."

100 Knives

Lately I have been obsessed with the artist Mirah. Her lyrics are painfully truthful, and her sound appeals to my weird alternative ear making her the perfect artist for me to talk about. I’ll start off by using her song “100 Knives,” but I’ll probably end up discussing more of her songs because they correlate perfectly to life right now.

People hurt. At this point in time I’m dealing with an extraordinary amount of change (which as you can see I handle poorly), and I’m struggling with the knives coming my way lately. It amazes me how easy it is for the people you care about the most to walk away screaming zingers, and it surprises me even more at how much we miss those people once they’ve left. I know that I’ve discussed this issue previously, but it hasn’t left my mind yet.

Words and actions have a way of cutting you deeper than any knife I’ve ever come across, and I would like for the “sticks and stones” writer to reevaluate his words.

The Ballad of Love and Hate

I know you’re probably sick of the Avett brothers, but today I feel like discussing “The Ballad of Love and Hate.” This song holds a special place in my heart for a very mean little boy, who has some serious growing up to do.

The song chronicles a love affair between two people, who care for each other very much, but are held apart by resentment. For whatever reasons there are, “Hate,” the obvious antagonist in the story, does everything he can to push “Love” out of his life. He drinks, he skulks, and he curses the world for leaving him in such a resentful place, while Love does everything she can to earn some compassion.

A favorite quote of mine is “Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they now set on fire.” I know from my own experiences that the ones we hold the most against are the ones that we have loved the most. Anger fuels brightest from disappointment, and hurt from being let down time and again. The problem is that most of us lose ourselves in that resentment, and in turn lose precious friendships from mistakes. In this song there is a happy ending, but only because Hate submits himself to Love’s open arms. For the majority of this won’t happen. Whether we have fueled someone to hate us, or left someone out of our own hatred, we refuse to look back on the underlying cause, love, and therefore block it from coming back into our lives.

Tears Dry on Their Own.

So I’m going to try really hard to catch up on my blog in the next few days, but it has been a pretty stressful few weeks (which you have probably noticed from the tone in my last few posts), and on top of everything my iPod was stolen from me by a “friend” of mine this past weekend. Needless to say I’m feeling very antagonized tonight, so I’m pulling out the Amy Winehouse.

The particular song I’m introducing in tonight’s blog is “Tears Dry on Their Own,” which is from Ms. Winehouse’s album Back to Black. Now I am very aware that this artist is a pretty disheveled individual, but that just adds to the experience behind her blunt lyrics. Besides, what artist isn’t messed up? Even Taylor Swift probably has more skeletons in her closet than you could possibly imagine (she’s probably sleeping with Kanye behind all of our backs), but back to the song…

This song is one of the ultimate “pick yourself up and try again” songs (RIP Aaliyah...), and it is ridiculously easy to get into. The lyrics focus on the fact that when someone has left your life and hurt you, you are responsible for picking yourself up. You can regret and hold on to that setting sun, but eventually you will move on and your tears will have to dry on their own.

In the end you're always going to be the one left with yourself. Winehouse accepts that it's her own fault for getting herself into her messed up relationships, but she also takes responsibility for picking herself up in the end.

"He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your way, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own,

I don't understand,
Why do I stress A man,
When there's so many bigger things at hand,
We could a never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is inevitable withdrawal,
Even if I stop wanting you,
A Perspective pushes true,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon,

I shouldn't play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men."

I have a bone to pick with life, and I think that Feist’s song, “Let it Die,”sums it up pretty well. This song is definitely not something new and up-coming, but this blog isn’t all about that. It’s about my life and the lyrics it connects to.

I would like to pose a question, and it is completely rhetorical, because I’m sure that I’ve heard every answer a million times before. Why do we only remember the good things, when a relationship is lost? When things die.. they have a reason, but why does that reason always go out the window, when it’s late at night, when you’re bored in class (obviously not English), or when you try to listen to your malicious iPod when it’s on shuffle (I have recently come to terms with the fact that my iPod now knows which songs to play to make me cry).

In Feist’s song,” Let it Die,” she simply states that “the hardest part of a broken heart, isn’t the ending so much as the start.” I could not agree more with this statement, because it would be a lot easier to let go of people if you only remembered the way it ended, rather than the giggly and happily way that it started. This thought process can be applied to all relationships. I’m not sure about my readers, but I know that I have a ridiculously hard time letting anyone leave my life, because all I do is think about the good times. In fact, I’ve recently had an ex tell me to “go fuck yourself,” yet even as I sit here I still wish that our friendship wouldn’t end.

So why can’t we take in all the bad things? Why can’t we just let it die? If people are so bad for you, then shouldn’t you have some natural reaction to avoid them? When our bodies are sick they naturally cleanse themselves.., so why can’t our hearts do the same thing?

I’m not sure what the answers are, but until I figure it out this song helps, and hopefully it will help any nostalgic readers as well.

Hey, Snow White.

So this blog is going to be pretty short and sweet since my last blog was pretty long, and I’m tired after going to see my Niece’s musical debut in Gypsy (which was absolutely wonderful, although the storyline was pretty depressing).

The song I’m featuring tonight is The New Pornographer’s cover of “Hey, Snow White” that was written for the album Dark Was the Night. This amazing compilation of songs was created to raise money and awareness for HIV and Aids, and it does not leave much to ask for. Let me just say that this is probably one of the best albums of the year, and if you take the time to by the album you will be supporting a great cause, and getting some very neat music.

Now that I have advertised the album I will get to the point for this simplistic song, which is to not be so hard on yourself, because once you learn to love yourself everything else will fall into place.

This simple point seems to be the hardest thing to grasp for everybody, and anyone who doesn’t struggle with it is simply a robot (yes Aynslee, I’m talking about you..). Self love is one of the things that has been drilled into our heads since birth, yet it is the one thing that we seem to forget first in a tough situation. This song is just a reminder for me to breathe and to not be so hard on myself, since in the end I’m the only one I’ve truly got, so I have to be comfortable with myself (it also doesn’t hurt that one of my nicknames is Snow White).

Hollow Notes

I know I’m a little behind with my blog posts, but sometimes I get a little scared of what I’ll write if I force myself to sit down and type my thoughts when I’m in certain moods. Unfortunately, My blog can’t suffer just because I am, (suffering is a pretty intense word.. I guess we can just say some things are making me sad) and I must get this show on the road, although I warn you.. My songs aren’t necessarily going to be very happy at the moment.

The song we’ll start with this weekend has been very dear to me over the past few weeks, because it takes into account my vacillating views of love. The Song is Hollow Notes, by Novi Split, and I discovered it on a One Tree Hill episode a few weeks ago. The show may have gone downhill, but at least the music is still fantastic.

When I listen to this song all I can think about is the final chorus:

“I know that you'd say
I can't commit to anything
I'm way too settled down
I can't let go of anything
that doesn't stick around

and I will pray
and I will sing
to be a part of anything
Then I'll give up
and you will too
but we do what we have to do”

These lyrics describe my part in all of my relationships thus far. I spend so much time looking for reasons to be unhappy that I completely ignore the wonderful things in front of me. Essentially I’m a chaser. I will climb mountains, cross valleys, and swim rivers (now I’m switching to a temptations song :P) as long as your still pushing me away, but the second you come running towards me I start to fear the commitment, and essentially the possibility of actually being happy with someone.

I am perfectly aware of this pattern, and I can promise you that I’ve done everything I can to try to stop it, but it doesn’t go away. I pray and sing “to be a part of anything” that will change my ways, but I have to come to terms that only I can fix the messes within me, and hopefully by the time I have accomplished this I won’t have burned every bridge to happiness..

Hollow Notes - Novi Split - Hush Records

P.s. Not all of my songs are available on youtube, so this clip from imeem will a have to suffice. For the sake of aesthetics I'll be posting a relevant postsecret card to connect with the song.

You Don't Know Me

It seems that the most serious accusation you could make towards a previous lover/partner/friend/or family member is the simplest phrase of all, “you don’t know me.” With these few words you strip off the protective film on all of your memories, and allow them to be scratched by persistent thoughts that make you question every day, and minute you’ve ever spent devoted to this person.

In reality, does anyone to know who anyone else is? Can we ever truly know someone so well that the soles in our shoes fit the same way from all those endless miles we’ve walked? I think not.

Don’t get me wrong.. I feel that if you’re lucky enough to meet someone who truly understands you, cares about you, and tolerates you on your bad days, you should hold on with all your might, because you’ve got yourself a soul mate, but even soul mates don’t share your body.

There is a fine line in “knowing” someone and being someone, and until you’ve been there and done that in that person’s body (don’t lose me, I know that takes a couple of seconds to reread) then you don’t really know them through and through. There are always going to be those cracks and crevices that you don’t even notice on a house, even if you’ve been living there for years.

This duet with Ben Folds and Regina Spektor takes the frustrated feelings of being misunderstood, and weaves them into a beautiful song. There are always going to be levels of miscommunication with these bonds, because you can’t just expect to fit two individual pieces together (innless you have a blow torch, and then I would suggest that your partner run away as fast as possible). The goal is to realize that there is no way to know everything, and to except that you never will. Too many times people blow situations up without realizing there are two sides to every story. You’ll never know how somebody feels completely, so try to give them the benefit of a doubt, and try to not to be so hard on yourself for not “knowing” everything.

Kick Drum Heart

Kick Drum Heart - The Avett Brothers


To glorify the Avett Brother’s new album “I and Love and You,” I would now like to introduce a very fun upbeat song to contrast the last blog, so that you are aware that this band is not a one trick pony, and neither is my musical taste.

The song “Kick Drum Heart” should have a warning label on it, because after you hear it one time you can’t help but be addicted. I have literally spent the entire weekend dancing like a fool in the car, in the gym, in the kitchen, and even on some tables, because this song just pumps me up to that level.

If you are a lucky enough person to experience love, or at the very least the feeling of your heart beating out of your chest for someone else, you will understand where this song is coming from. Sometimes the only things that matter, are the people who make you happy, and you should stop and enjoy the moment instead of thinking about the past and future. The lyric’s say the rest better than I could, so here they are:

“The footprints over the snow
the fabric of all the lonely
Covering only
the fables and hands
the rest is out in the cold
holding the last of the season
F-F-F freezzin'
My my my hearts like a kick drum
My hearts like a kick drum
My hearts like a kick drum
My loves like a foot.

We're walkin' in to the fields.
We're walkin in to the forest.
The moon is before us.
Up above
We're holdin' hands in the rain
Sayin words like I love you
Cha Cha do you love me?

My hearts like a kick drum
My hearts like a kick drum
My hearts like a kick drum
My loves like a foot

Mother Mary Heard us approaching her door
Though we didn't make a sound.

There's nothing like finding gold
within the rocks and the coal
I'm so surprised to find more
Always surprised to find more

I won't look back anymore
I left the people that do
It’s not the chase that I love
It’s me following you.”

This probably won’t be the last song I use from this album, but it is the perfect post to end the week.

I and Love and You

This week I have been getting a little behind on my blog, but for good reason. I have recently been declared ITunes best customer and I have been kicked out of my house for all the money I’ve spent on music, just Kidding.

In all seriousness though I do have a serious addiction to music and it kind of needs to stop. It seems like no matter how much music I have, there is always something new that I need to discover. I can’t sit back and enjoy what’s directly on my ITunes without longing for the unknown, and that is definitely a metaphor for life if I’ve ever seen it..

Anyways, now every time I spend money on music, and waste/dedicate hours of my time to looking up new artists and bands I have an excuse, this blog! So for anyone, who is reading this, realize that you are the reasons why my pockets are empty and my heart is full of really excellent music. Thanks for supporting my addiction.

For this blog, and the next blog, I plan to explore the new Avett Brother’s CD, “I and Love and You.” This CD is definitely my favorite Avett Brother’s CD, and is probably one of my top three CDs for 2009. In the past, I have found a lot of the Avett Brother’s music to be a little too “twangy” for my taste (although “Bella Donna” is probably one of my favorite songs ever), but this CD seems to balance out the twang for something a little more subtle and meaningful. There is not a single song on this CD that I could not listen to over and over again.

The song I’m using in this blog is “I and Love and You,” which is the title track for the album. It paints a beautiful picture of starting over, and getting away from your own words and problems, particularly the words that too easily slip away, “I and Love and You.”

This song to me embodies the want to run away, and start a new life. When I listen to it, I can’t help but think that “anywhere is better than here,” but the truth is running away from problems can do more harm than good. Each and every time I feel uninspired, get in a fight with someone I love, or even just feel lonely, the thought of leaving it all behind taunts me. Unfortunately I know that until I fight my own battles that I have within myself, I’ll always feel the need to run. The only thing that is holding me back is me, so instead of running I can just turn on this song and feel a little less lonely, knowing that someone else feels the way I do.

"Ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.
Are you aware the shape I’m in?
My hands they shake, my head it spins.
Ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.

Three words that became hard to say.
I and Love and You.
What you were than I am today.
Look at the things I do."

Roll the Dice

Mickey Avalon’s song “Roll the Dice” is probably a really offensive song for most people, but I’m not one of them. I find the song to have a whole lot of truth to it and one amazing beat. It goes out of the way to prove that everyone has a price for humility, and that any soul can get sucked into a bad situation depending on which path it goes in life.

I’m not exactly as pessimistic as the song, but it does point out the obvious. While we’re getting a great education at Carolina, there are thousands of people who are sabotaging their lives for a line of coke. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I think that in the whole scope of things.. we’re ultimately the ones who put ourselves where we are.., but sometimes it’s mind blowing to think about the other side of the spectrum, and where we would be if we were put in someone else’s shoes.
Either way.. the song is sad, ironic, and really fun to dance to.. so enjoy. You never know where your dice is going to roll next.

I'm a Lady

Let it be said that being a woman is the best thing in the world 95% of the time (at least in this decade). The only other five percent of the time it would be useful to not be a women is when you’re trying to pee in the woods, be elected for president (sorry Hillary), open a jar, eat like a pig, and sleep with 20 different individuals In a week, and since I can usually use my womanly charms to get the same kind of benefits.. I’m perfectly happy that I don’t have a penis. I am a lady, and proud of it.

What brings on this random announcement, you might ask? Well.. a kickass song is always good cause to embrace the positive aspects of being a woman.. the song I’m talking about is Santigold’s “I’m a Lady.” This song embraces everything I feel, every day of my life. Sometimes I like to wave my femininity around like a flag, and sometimes I just like to sit back and watch the wing blow around. Either way.. this song is fantastic, and it was one of the ten songs I really wanted to put on my mix tape project. It has good beats, lyrics, and meaning. Enjoy!

The Chairs

http://thechairs.bandcamp.com/track/in-the-aeroplane-over-the-sea


Most people are familiar with Neutral Milk Hotel’s song “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea,” but I would like to introduce a cover of the song that I personally believe trumps the original.

I came across The Chair’s cover of “In an Aeroplane Over the Sea” on the way home from the mountains last December, when my brothers blared it over and over again, while I was trying to fall asleep. At first I was annoyed by the fact that I couldn’t catch up on my beauty sleep, but after hearing the first chorus I started to really listen to the song, and was pleasantly surprised with the unique sound.

Unfortunately the cover does not have a video to go with it, but if you go to the link posted above, I promise that it will be worth your time, and you can download the song free (it’s perfectly legal).

Neutral Milk Hotel’s lyrics take on new form, and they put me in a very happy mood. This song is still a far cry from a Miley Cyrus song, but it is probably one of the happier songs that you will hear from me. The song probably means something different to each person who listens to it, but I feel like it captures the essence of life, and of being young in that particular moment.

"What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me, me

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me, me

What a curious life we have found here tonight
There is music that sounds from the street
There are lights in the clouds
Anne's ghost all around
Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me
Soft and sweet
How the notes all bend and reach above the trees, trees

Now how I remember you
How I would push my fingers through
Your mouth to make those muscles move
That made your voice so smooth and sweet
Now we keep where we don't know
All secrets sleep in winter clothes
With one you loved so long ago
Now he don't even know his name

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round' the sun
And when we meet on a cloud
I'll be laughing out loud
I'll be laughing with everyone I see
Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all"

Skinny Love

“Skinny Love,” by Bon Iver, is probably one of the most heart clenching songs I have ever come across, and its haunting sound has followed me around for the past year. This masterpiece pretty much wraps up every feeling I have towards love and relationships, and therefore this blog/song may come across as a little more emotional than the others, but you’ll just have to deal with it.

The song captures the heartbreak involved with a love affair that slowly flickers out. It’s title, “Skinny Love,” is perfect because in essence the love that remains is painfully strained to hold on to something that just does not exists anymore, and essentially starves itself.

The thought behind the song is pretty sad, and I am sorry that a lot of the songs I have posted are not exactly the Lil Wayne or Katy Perry songs that you hear on the radio, but that’s just life, and in most instances it is not a “Party in the USA.”

Bon Iver, is getting more and more recognition for his album For Emma, Forever Ago, and I encourage everyone to listen to this song a couple of times, before dismissing his edgy voice. If you give him the chance his music will probably change your life ( and yes, I am aware of how absolutely cheesy that sounds).

"And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind
And now all your love is wasted
And then who the hell was I?
And I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?"

Bruised

official music video- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KX2dVIyfWA

Chairlift is a popular band amongst the masses for obvious reasons. Their catchy tunes, bouncy beats, and kick ass lyrics (No, we’re not talking about Miley Cyrus, teeny boppers) have always succeeded in capturing people’s hearts, and it helps that they were featured in an iPod commercial.

The first time you listen to the song “Bruises,” by Chairlift, all that tends to come to mind is “blow jobs,” which I’m pretty sure is not appropriate for this class blog. But alas, I beg you to get your mind out of the gutter, and too appreciate this song for what it truly represents, which is a bruised heart, soul, and ego.
As a young adult I tend to live my life quite carelessly, because it is easier to feel indestructible than to admit my vulnerabilities. Unfortunately, when it comes down to it, and I’m left alone with my thoughts it’s easier to discover the numerous bruises I’m left with.

In my home town, I’m quite infamous for my parties (namely because I was a bad influence and I have a pretty kick ass hot tub), but with each morning after I woke up feeling empty, and very bruised. In fact, my friends and I got into the habit of showing off our war wounds the next morning, because we had either slipped all over the hot tub, fallen off swing sets, or even tried flying from the apt. roof. These bruises were hilarious, because they were something we could show off and laugh about the next day, what wasn’t funny were some of the true stories behind them. We used our physical bruises to hide the internal bruising we dreaded being left alone with.

Nowadays that out of control side of me has calmed down a little bit (much to the dismay of a lot of my friends), because I figured out that if I didn’t deal with my bruises head on, I would be shit out of luck every time I was left alone with my thoughts. Chairlift’s song “Bruises” acknowledges the permanent “black and blue,” that we all tend to hide behind, and exposes a true vulnerability. If she can acknowledge the bruising she’s been through in an iPod commercial, surely we all can take a moment to acknowledge our own bruises, and start to heal.

Let's have some "fun."

While choosing a song for today’s blog it hit me that I am an extremely selfish person. I knew when I started this blog that I had plenty of songs to write about, but what I had underestimated was how hard it would be to share these gems with the rest of the world.. I’ve always been protective of my music, because the last thing I want to do is to turn my new favorite artist into the next sensation. This protection comes from watching some of my favorites such as, Jason Mraz, James Blunt, and and Imogen Heap get blown up in the public eye… and it has hurt. Artists, who once gave the most amazing underground concerts ever, get turned into radio stars, who you can barely see in huge auditoriums all because of media just like this. Now don’t get me wrong, I am perfectly aware that my blog is not the only blog in the world advertising great music, or that I even am the first to listen to new artists, Music is one big linking chain of events, but I guess I just like to think that the artists I listen to are “mine,” and that they are different from all the stereotypical stuff blasting from most people’s cars. Ignorance can be bliss, but without any ado I will now discuss what most people are reading this for, the song “Be Calm,” by a favorite band of mine, Fun.

The song “Be Calm,” like any of Fun’s songs, is not a song that you can fully understand with one listening (in fact the first time I heard it I could only compare it to the soundtrack for Hunchback of Notre Dame). It is very catchy, but the strong rhythms and sounds tend to cover some of the hidden meaning behind it.

"As I walk through the streets of my new city
my back feeling much better, I suppose
I've reclaimed the use of my imagination
for better or for worse, I've yet to know
but I always knew you'd be the one to understand me,
I guess that's why it took so long to get things right.
Suddenly I'm lost
On my street
On my block

Oh why, Oh why
Oh why haven't you been there for me?
Can't you see, I'm losing my mind this time?
This time I think it's for real, I can see

All the tree tops turning red
The beggars near bodegas grin at me
I think they want something
I close my eyes, I tell myself to breathe

and be calm.
Be calm.
I know you feel like you are breaking down.
I know that it gets so hard sometimes.
Be calm.

I'm scared that everyone is out to get me.
"These days before you speak to me you pause."
"I always see you looking out your window."
"After all, you lost your band, you left your mom."
Now every single crack, every penny that I pass,
says I should either leave or pick it up
But with every single buck I've made
I'm saddled with bad luck that came

the moment I was baptized
or when I found out one day I'm gonna die
if only I could find my people or my place in life
a when they come a'carolin'
so loud, so bright, the theremin
will lead us to a chorus
where we'll all rejoice and sing a song that goes:

Oh be calm.
Be calm.
I know you feel like you are breaking down.
I know that it gets so hard sometimes,
Be calm.
Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times.
You hate your pulse because it thinks you're still alive
and everything's wrong
It just gets so hard sometimes
Be calm.

I don't remember much that night,
Just walking, thinking fondly of you
Thinking how the worst is yet to come
When from that street corner came a song
And I can't remember the man,
The panhandler or his melody.
The words exchanged had far exceeded any change I'd given thee."

This song is the anthem of my life lately, because with every single day that passes, and every problem that occurs I have to remind myself to “be calm.”

Lykke Li's "Tonight" sparks feeling.

I first came upon this masterpiece of a song this summer, on a long car ride home from my family reunion, when my brother decided to take over the Ipod cord against my protests. We have battled over Ipod time for the past several years, although I now reluctantly agree that his taste in music has been much better, and has molded my own tastes for many years now. My brother, who will inspire many posts on this blog, has always been at the front line for which music is “in” in the indie/underground rock scene, and most importantly which music excites the soul a little more than your typical crap on the radio. But this post is not about my brother. This post is about my relationship with this one particular song, Lykke Li’s “Tonight.”

So after hearing the song, I was very intrigued by its acoustics and mournful tone. Lykke Li’s voice seemed to wrench at my heart that was further protruded by the video. Now, let me say, I have never been a fan of music videos.. I think that they take away our own creative visions as listeners, but this video is different. Lykke Li comes onto a black and white screen, staring straight into the camera, wearing a simple black top and no makeup whatsoever ( in fact with the way her hair is slicked back from her face it is easy to assume that she has just gotten out of the shower). This sight is an automatic shock to most women, considering the majority of videos in the media try to gain our attention with flashy clothes, makeup, themes, ect. But not Lkkye Li. She starts the video emulating all of the vulnerability that the listener can hear in the music, and the lyrics of her song.

"Push my back, so I make sure,
you're right behind me as before.
Yesterday the night before tomorrow.

Dry my eyes so you won't know.
Dry my eyes so I won't show.
I know you're right behind me."

The hollow sound she starts off with as she sings the intro is almost haunting. She brings to light a common fear of being left alone at a party, but as you get to the second verse you feel that there is so much more history than what meets the eye. This bare girl across the screen is hiding her insecurities by covering her tears from whoever is joining her tonight. When the chorus chimes, in the last few times of “don’t you let me go, let me go tonight” I felt my own tears coming down, as hers fall too.

Each and every person that has taken the time to really watch this video has also been pushed to tears by the context and the susceptibleness of this song. As human beings, we all have the capability to feel lonely; it just takes a brave person to admit it.