Insomnia

So I don’t know how many people actually know this about me, but I’m an insomniac. I know what you’re thinking, “every college kid is an insomniac,” but seriously… I’m legit and I have meds which puts me a step ahead of everyone else.  “Insomnia,” by the Electric President, is probably one of the best songs to capture the feeling behind sleeplessness.

It’s amazing how truly slow time goes by when you’re up at night and unable to sleep, or actually get anything worthwhile accomplished. Time just moves “so damn slow,” till you start fading into this numbness. Nowadays, I pray that my doctor will never stop prescribing me ambient. It’s been almost 7 months since I’ve been on it, and I can’t imagine trying to last more than a day or so without it. My body, in particular my head, just does not want to shut off. I’m sure your shaking your head in disapproval, because most people think pills are harmful and “unnatural,” but who can really decide what’s natural, or real in this society where we all pop pills for happiness, sleep, anxiety, and a few more hours of studying? You may disapprove of it, you may have friends that do it, or you may participate in this newfound way people deal with things…, but either way you can’t change it. As long as I can put myself to sleep instead of dealing with the mind numbing pain you get from not sleeping for a week, I’m certainly not going to complain.

Honestly

The song I want to bring up tonight hits home really closely. It’s “Honestly” by the Cary Brothers, and it deals with the same anxieties I seem to be going through every night. I usually don’t post the entire song lyrics, but I think it’s appropriate.. and the songs not that long, so don’t grunt.

“Think I'm goin' home
I think I'm gettin' lost for a while
Tired of getting stoned
And thinkin' about you in the night

So I'll file away all my dreams
Though I still believe in everything

I wished your love away

Honestly over you
Honestly over you
One lie short of true
Honestly over you

Lookin' for some hope
Polished off the whiskey tonight
You turned a man to stone
For lookin' at you straight in the eyes

So I'll drive away with all my things
Though I've a faint belief in everything

I wished your love away
I wished your love away”

Nostalgia is the biggest bitch in the world. Lately my life is like a board game. Two steps forward and three steps back. Pass go to collect two hundred dollars, and then pay it back in taxes.. A never-ending sequence of events. I’ll be able to wish your love away, but then I think about you when the night comes. It’s hard. Life is hard. People promise that everything works itself out in the end, but why can’t we just move on with our lives? Can’t my heart have an on and off switch? Whatever, I guess I’ll continue to file away my hopes and dreams of perfect friendships and romances, and try to be “honestly over you.”

Fletcher Hodnett (yes, that would be my brother)

border="0">

I’d just like to do a short little shout out to my big brother, Fletcher. He picked up singing a few years ago, and he’s written some really decent stuff (ok, maybe more than decent, but I really don’t want to give him a big head). He has a very likeable yet “rough around the egdes” kind of voice that seems to improve with each song he puts out. I personally like “Maybe Dear” and “Seasons,” but his Bon Iver cover is pretty awesome.

Enjoy the new musical experience. :)
Hopefully someone or something will encourage him to perform this stuff live at some point.

Charlie Bit Me

This next blog is for pure sport. Recently I have come across the “Charlie bit me” video on youtube, and I have decided that it has merited a blog post for its serious life lessons. ( I am perfectly aware that I am a noob for not finding this sooner..)

This is the original video:



& this is the remix that will be my song choice:


I know what you’re thinking… “That is the most adorable/hilarious/life altering video of my life,” and you can thank me later for this exposure. What you’re not thinking about is the serious life skills you can acquire from watching this piece of art. At times we all stick our fingers in people’s mouth, even when we know that it’s going to hurt (unfortunately for us it’s not always as cute). We stay up too late, we exchange writing blogs for playing rock band, and sometimes we even engage in activities with the wrong people, but even though we understand the consequences we still take the risk? Is it for the humor? It is absolutely hilarious to fall into a hot tub, but is worth the bruises/hangover we have in the morning? For Charlie, he has learned early on that sometimes you don’t stick your finger into someone’s mouth, because while you suffer, people laugh.. even when it’s still hurting!!

Kill

Life has the funniest ways of repeating itself. The song I’d like to write about today is the same song I felt so connected to in my sophomore year of high school, “Kill” by Jimmy Eat World, and I find it ironic that I have reverted to the same old lyrics for comfort.

The song to me represents a dying love that Is so impossible to let go of that is literally kills the person holding on. The posing thought and lyric that strikes me the most is “I need answers for what all the waiting I’ve done means.” I think that this initial thought of “why?” is the ball and chain to this relationship. It has always seemed to me that the reason I hold on to people, is because I don’t always understand the reasoning behind the demise. I’m not sure how people can just let go of what meant so much to them, so I fight. I fight for reconcile at the most, and reason at the very least. This fighter (Christina Aguilera hip thrust allowed) in me is what seems to annoy people the most. I’ve been screamed at and cursed at, because I can’t seem to let up so easily, but I can’t help it.. I refuse to let up, when someone has taken a piece of me.

“I can't help it baby, this is who I am.
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel.
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break.
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away.”

I know the healthy thing to do is to walk away. If someone needs a break from me, then they deserve it… I guess it’s just the egotistical, selfish, little girl in me that thinks that if they just stayed I could make it all better.

Two Birds

So, I have decided that to face the ongoing change in my life I must face it head on. It has been said that “If you don’t create change, change will create you,” and personally.. I’m ready to have a new control over my life.

The song I’d like to introduce is Regina Spektor’s “Two Birds.” Many would argue that Ms. Spektor’s newest cd is somewhat of a sellout compared to her previous creations, but I still think it has a lot of merit. This song in particular seems to observe a couple of birds, who are too scared to try things on their own. One bird wants to explore, while the other puts on a façade promising to adventure out with him in a little while.. I feel that in the past I’ve been there. I have always based a part of my life on this sort of root, or “other bird,” instead of letting go and flying off by myself.

Recently I have been abandoned by my bird, and instead of flying away from the situation.. I have glued myself to the wire waiting for some glimmer of hope that my bird will return… (I have too much faith in people.) Now that I have realized that there is no hope for that friendship I want to do what I should have done a few months ago, embrace change.

Blood Pt. 2

So surprisingly I’ve had a really good mellow night tonight, so I plan on side tracking from the “cry me a river/emotionally challenged” blogs I’ve been writing. I don’t know how long this mood will last, but I’m going to run with it and introduce you to one of the most amazing mixes of the year- “Blood pt. 2,” by Buck 65.

I previously mentioned the album Dark Was the Night, when I wrote about the Pornographer’s cover of “Hey Snow White,” but to refresh your memory it is an amazing compilation of songs that was created to raise money and awareness for HIV and Aids. The song I’m talking about today is a remix/continuation of Sufjan Steven’s song “You are the Blood,” which is also a Castanets cover. Buck 65 is an absolute genius for creating this sound, which improves an already banging song.

The first time you may listen to the song it comes off as kind of eerie and cult like. You become so immersed in this ever present bass line and hear a mix of lyrics that don’t quite make sense. In fact, the reason why I like this song so much is because I don’t necessarily “get it.” He throws in everything (including the kitchen sink), and leaves you with an unexplainable bitter sweet taste in your mouth. Even listening to the juxtaposed blunt and smooth lyrics again today almost makes me feel like I’m invading this guy’s Joyce like stream of conscience, yet I can still acquire my own personal experiences.

When I listen to this song I think of good times in unhealthy relationships. The song is somewhat bitter, but it also feels like it’s not lingering on the bad. He mentions memories of hot summer days of sex and lemonade with someone he obviously cares about, but sees the bad in (the woman’s legs felt like silk, yet her bites were like fire ants). His last stanza that leads into Sufjan’s lyrics really seems to sum up the good and bad:

“Making out in photo booths
A lovely Saturday night alone
Full of films and baking pies
Not cotton swabs and bloody lies
I'll pay you back in plastic eyes

You are the blood
Flowing through my fingers
All through the soil
Through those trees”

The memories he holds of her seem to be tainted by some sort of resentment for “cotton swabs and bloody lies,” yet the girl still seems to run through his vains.