Kill

Life has the funniest ways of repeating itself. The song I’d like to write about today is the same song I felt so connected to in my sophomore year of high school, “Kill” by Jimmy Eat World, and I find it ironic that I have reverted to the same old lyrics for comfort.

The song to me represents a dying love that Is so impossible to let go of that is literally kills the person holding on. The posing thought and lyric that strikes me the most is “I need answers for what all the waiting I’ve done means.” I think that this initial thought of “why?” is the ball and chain to this relationship. It has always seemed to me that the reason I hold on to people, is because I don’t always understand the reasoning behind the demise. I’m not sure how people can just let go of what meant so much to them, so I fight. I fight for reconcile at the most, and reason at the very least. This fighter (Christina Aguilera hip thrust allowed) in me is what seems to annoy people the most. I’ve been screamed at and cursed at, because I can’t seem to let up so easily, but I can’t help it.. I refuse to let up, when someone has taken a piece of me.

“I can't help it baby, this is who I am.
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel.
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break.
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away.”

I know the healthy thing to do is to walk away. If someone needs a break from me, then they deserve it… I guess it’s just the egotistical, selfish, little girl in me that thinks that if they just stayed I could make it all better.